Definition of Success

As parents, we all want our children to be sucessful when they grow up. In fact, this might also be the reason given to our children as to why they need to study hard now - so that they can achieve academic excellence and be successful in future. But what does being successful really mean? I checked Merriam Webster and found this:

Success:

: the fact of getting or achieving wealth, respect, or fame

: the correct or desired result of an attempt: someone or something that is successful 

: a person or thing that succeeds

My own definition of success does not really agree with the above. What about you? What does success mean to you? To be top in class? To be highly paid? When you achieve a high status? When everyone is in awe with you? When you're living a luxurious lifestyle? When you have fame? 

As parents, it is very important for us to have a clear answer as to how we define success because it'll greatly influence our children. Many children grow up trying to live up to their parents' expectations and try very hard to become successful in their parents' eyes. 

When we frown upon their PSLE aggregate score just because they can't get into a Special Assistance Plan (SAP) school,we're telling them that they have failed because they're not good enough.But we forgot that there is nothing special about SAP schools, the ones who are special are our children, they cannot be replaced. What parents value will be what their children value because we're their compass during their early years, directing their path towards our so-called success.

We placed high hopes on our children. We put in a lot of effort,time and money to groom them. They have to attend enrichment classes from young to get a head start in school.They are required to be all rounders, good in studies, music,sports and arts.

As we lament about the high cost and high stress of living in Singapore, we cannot deny the fact that we played a part in this.It's really an egg and hen question (though I know that the hen certainly exists before the egg), did the education system force the parents to succumb or did the high expectations of parents cause the system to be what it is now.I don't think we will ever find an answer but I do think that we can lead the change in our family. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to develop our children's talents, within our means and when we're clear of our intentions, without stripping their joy of learning. 

Do we still love our children if they do not top the class? Do we still love them if they can't play the piano,violin and just can't find the right pitch when singing? Do we still love them if they aren't good at any sports? Do we still love them if they are just not good in public speaking? Do we still love them if they do not win any awards? Do we still love them if they are not healthy? Do we still love them if they look different from others? 

Our children's worth and our love for them is not determined by their looks, talents, abilities or results. They should be confident that we love them just the way they are, just like God loves us the way we are. They should be confident that even if they are left with nothing, we'll still love them unconditionally. Jesus died for All of us sinners on the cross.That is how much we're worth and that is how much God loves us.

If being successful is only about achieving wealth, respect or fame,let us look at 2 successful persons.

Dr Richard Teo is a medical doctor from Singapore who had been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer at the pinnacle of his life.He had everything by the time he was in his 30s: wealth measured in millions of dollars, a thriving aesthetics practice and sports cars, including a Ferrari 430.

Money, by Dr Richard Teo Keng Siang's own admission, was everything. Since young, his driving ambition was to win, and through winning, reap the rewards of the good life.

In medicine, he chose the quick way to big bucks - by switching from ophthalmology to aesthetics. It paid handsomely. In the first year, his cosmetic surgery clinic "was raking in millions".

But in March 2011, Dr Teo, a light smoker, was struck down by terminal lung cancer. And his attitude changed.

When the "music's over", Dr Teo realised that happiness didn't come from enriching oneself.

Joy comes from celebrating life with those around you, whether with laughter or sorrow. Now it is his message, not his riches, has become his legacy.

What Dr Teo did was to place a mirror in front of those who ceaselessly chase riches, especially those in the medical fraternity.

Everyone will eventually die. The critical question he asked was: Are you going to make a difference to other people's lives in your lifetime?

"I'm a typical product of today's society," said Dr Teo, in an excerpt taken from one of his speeches last November.

"From young, I've always been under the influence and impression that to be happy is to be successful. And to be successful is to be wealthy. So I led my life according to this motto".

The story of Dr Richard Teo left me with a heartache even though I do not know him personally. I tried to put myself in his shoes and I would think it is definitely very tough to grapple with the feeling of remorse, regret and guilt amidst enduring his physical pain. And I really hope that he survives as I am sure that after this ordeal, he will be a very different person and will certainly be able to help many others with his experience. But the fact is he died, and I had a burning question in my heart which is if Dr Teo is a Christian.

 I found my answer from this article where he shared his encounter with God at the Dental Christian Fellowship. Because he had been so proud of himself, he felt that he did not need anybody else, there was no way he could turn back to God, but nothing is impossible with God. Dr Teo realized that he has to go through all these because this is the only way he will understand and wake up. God has been very kind to him, at least Dr Teo had a chance to realize his mistake, repent and return to God. At least he still had a little bit of time to do the good that he hadn't been doing. At least he understood the real purpose of his life in time. Some aren't so fortunate, they just died the next second.

I feel happy for Dr Teo that he has learnt that true joy comes from knowing God, having a personal relationship with God, which is the most important. And in this life, we must trust in the Lord with all our heart and to love and serve others, not just for ourselves. He has not lived in vain. 

You may also watch his presentation in front of the Singapore Medical Class here., in which he shared about his thoughts on life, wealth, success and happiness.

Let us also take a look at the last words of another giant of the century that has passed on, Mr Steve Jobs.

“I reached the pinnacle of success in the business world.

In others’ eyes, my life is an epitome of success.

However, aside from work, I have little joy. In the end, wealth is only a fact of life that I am accustomed to.

At this moment, lying on the sick bed and recalling my whole life, I realize that all the recognition and wealth that I took so much pride in, have paled and become meaningless in the face of impending death.

In the darkness, I look at the green lights from the life supporting machines and hear the humming mechanical sounds, I can feel the breath of God and of death drawing closer…

Now I know, when we have accumulated sufficient wealth to last our lifetime, we should pursue other matters that are unrelated to wealth…

Should be something that is more important:

Perhaps relationships, perhaps art, perhaps a dream from younger days …

Non-stop pursuing of wealth will only turn a person into a twisted being, just like me.

God gave us the senses to let us feel the love in everyone’s heart, not the illusions brought about by wealth.

The wealth I have won in my life I cannot bring with me.

What I can bring is only the memories precipitated by love.

That’s the true riches which will follow you, accompany you, giving you strength and light to go on.

Love can travel a thousand miles. Life has no limit. Go where you want to go. Reach the height you want to reach. It is all in your heart and in your hands.

What is the most expensive bed in the world? – “Sick bed” …

You can employ someone to drive the car for you, make money for you but you cannot have someone to bear the sickness for you.

Material things lost can be found. But there is one thing that can never be found when it is lost – “Life”.

When a person goes into the operating room, he will realize that there is one book that he has yet to finish reading – “Book of Healthy Life”.

Whichever stage in life we are at right now, with time, we will face the day when the curtain comes down.

Treasure Love for your family, love for your spouse, love for your friends…

Treat yourself well. Cherish others.”

Wealth means nothing to Mr Steve Jobs at his deathbed. Dr Richard Teo and Mr Steve Jobs had everything in their life, success, wealth, fame and maybe power. But they had something similar too, both did not manage to escape death. The bad news is none of us will escape either. 

Let us look at the parable of the rich fool in the Bible.

Luke 12:13-21New King James Version (NKJV)

The Parable of the Rich Fool

13 Then one from the crowd said to Him, “Teacher, tell my brother to divide the inheritance with me.”

14 But He said to him, “Man, who made Me a judge or an arbitrator over you?” 15 And He said to them, “Take heed and beware of covetousness,[a] for one’s life does not consist in the abundance of the things he possesses.”

16 Then He spoke a parable to them, saying: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded plentifully.17 And he thought within himself, saying, ‘What shall I do, since I have no room to store my crops?’18 So he said, ‘I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build greater, and there I will store all my crops and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, “Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years; take your ease; eat, drink, and be merry.”’ 20 But God said to him, ‘Fool! This night your soul will be required of you; then whose will those things be which you have provided?’

21 “So is he who lays up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.”

True Success

We can never be successful without God in our lives. We are nothing without Him. 

Just like what Dr Teo said 

"There is nothing wrong with being rich or wealthy. I think it’s absolutely alright, cos God has blessed. So many people are blessed with good wealth, but the trouble is I think a lot of us can’t handle it. The more we have, the more we want. I’ve gone through it, the deeper the hole we dig, the more we get sucked into it, so much so that we worship wealth and lose focus. Instead of worshipping God, we worship wealth. It’s just a human instinct. It’s just so difficult to get out of it.

We are all professionals, and when we go into private practise, we start to build up our wealth – inevitably. So my thought are, when you start to build up wealth and when the opportunity comes, do remember that all these things don’t belong to us. We don’t really own it nor have rights to this wealth. It’s actually God’s gift to us. Remember that it’s more important to further His Kingdom rather than to further ourselves.

Anyway I think that I’ve gone through it, and I know that wealth without God is empty. It is more important that you fill up the wealth, as you build it up subsequently, as professionals and all, you need to fill it up with the wealth of God."

A successful person may or may not have wealth, fame and power. But his source of sense of self worth, level of confidence and happiness definitely does not depend on these.

Apostle Paul is definitely a successful person. He had learned to be contented in whatever state he is, even when he was in prison. He rejoiced greatly in the Lord.

Philippians 4:10-13New King James Version (NKJV)

Philippian Generosity

10 But I rejoiced in the Lord greatly that now at last your care for me has flourished again; though you surely did care, but you lacked opportunity. 11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: 12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. 13 I can do all things through Christ[a] who strengthens me.

Last but not least, a successful person must have a clear direction of his life. He knows his real purpose in life and never lose focus of his goal. 

Philippians 3:14New King James Version (NKJV) 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Imagine a teacher who does not know what he is doing in life, how then is he able to guide and inspire his students? Education is really about life and not about acing your examinations. No matter how good or fast a runner you are, if you are not moving in the right direction, you will never ever reach your goal.Direction is so important in our life.

Let us work on giving our children the right outlook on life so that they can enjoy and live a rich and purposeful life without regrets. 

Do I have an answer? Yes, I do. Success is not a destination to me but a journey.It's always work-in-progress for our family.

Let us hear from the world's wisest man, King Solomon,the son of King David.

Eccl 12:8 “Vanity of vanities,” says the Preacher, "All is vanity.”

Eccl 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man’s all.  

My answer is in the Bible.